Part of something bigger...

I started reading a short book tonight by John Eldridge entitled Epic. The premise behind the book, from what I can gather so far, is that we are all part of a bigger story. My question is, what story am I a part of?

As Eldrigde points out, a life created by accident and that ends by accident really doesn't inspire. What's the point? If there is no purpose in life, why do anything good? Of course, I don't believe that anyone is created by accident. Disagree with me if you want. Say I use God as a crutch; I don't care. We're all created with some purpose. We're all part of a bigger story. Life is not a math equation that we can predict. It's not a science experiment that is to be constantly dissected or analyzed. It's a drama with twists and turns, ups and downs. Not knowing what comes next is what makes life exciting (and freaking scary for that matter).

I've found myself asking, "What is my role in this story?" This doesn't simply rephrase the age-old question, "What is the meaning of life?" I know what that is. It doesn't have to do with our purpose either. It goes much deeper than both of these and speaks to the core of who we are. I used to think this could be summed up in another question: "What does God want of me?" I wrestled with this for a long time, thinking the answer was found in what I do. Does he want me working with teens, praying more, reading more, loving more, serving more, going to church more? Although I heard the answer several hundred times, I never believed it. It was too simple. Here it is: God doesn't want anything of me, he just wants me. I never swallowed this before because it was never real. Pastors teach this, but churches rarely follow it. We're too busy trying to look at people's works instead of loving them for who they are, like God does.

Sorry, kinda went on a tangent. After realizing this basic truth about God, it freed me up to pursue the question stated above about my role. To pose it another way: "What does God want to use me for?" I've thought for some time that God is going to use me for something big. I hope he does anyways. My problem has usually been that I have never been content enough to allow God enough time to do this. I suffer from a lack of patience that is usually fleshed out in the grass-is-greener syndrome. I'm always looking for something better, some bigger and more effective way to be used. How stupid. Where does God say that he calls us to be effective. I think he'd rather have us be faithful. Be faithful when things aren't working my way. Be faithful when the odds are stacked against you.

I was reminded of this today when I read Judges 7. This dude named Gideon was leading the Israelites into battle. At that time, the Israelite army was about 32,000 people and they were going to kick the crap out of the Mideonites. Before they did this, God told Gideon that the army was too big. If they were to conquer Mideon, they would think they did it on their own and disregard God's hand in things. To make a long story short, God whittled the army down to 300 soldiers, then went and attacked the Mideonites with torches and glass jars (I know, I don't get it either). The Mideonites were so scared, they began killing each other!

I wonder what my reaction would have been if I were Gideon. "God, we'll give you the credit. I promise. The statistics show that we would be more effective with a larger army. I don't know if choosing soldiers on how they drink water out of the river is the best way to do this." And the excuses go on and on.

This goes back to my role in God's story. I have no idea how God will use me in the future. Frankly, who cares. God is using me now to love on teens who most people don't care about. Is it effective? Maybe. I can share stories and stats that would say so. Even if I'm not, I'm doing what God told me to do: love people for who they are not what they do or don't do. This is my role. This will always be my role. It may take a number of different forms, but the basic premise will not change.